No, I am not engaged! BUT!!! Weddings and engagements are happening all around me. I actually just came back from Tampa Easter morning from participating in my cousin's nuptials. I had mixed feelings about being a part of her wedding for several reasons one of them being that it would be a prime opportunity for my family to lay on the pressure to get married being that I am 1 of 2 in my family of age that has yet to marry and even moreso I am the only one who isn't in a serious relationship that could lead to marriage. I won't lie and say that I don't think about getting married or if and when it will happen for me, but I am not overly concerned to the point of slight obsession like I know some women to be. I try to live my life and focus on what God has for me now, which can be hard at times since there are reminders everywhere with so many people I know and care about jumping the broom. I can't even count how many times aover the weekend n aunt, uncle, cousin or my grandmother mentioned to me that I was "next" and when I was going to finally get married as if my time was running out or something.
I was able to catch up with my former youth pastor from when I attended middle school at Anointed Word Academy in Tampa before having to leave and since he's known me since I was 12 he was able to shed a little light on some things. With marriage on my mind I used this opportunity to get his opinion on why I could possibly still be single (outside of God's timing for my life). I'm always up for some positive criticism and who better than for a man to give it to me. After much discussion he basically told me that I'm not throwing out the right bait. He said that I have an awareness about myself that most women my age don't have and that most men my age aren't mature enough to handle that. He even wondered whether I'm flirtatious, which of course caused me to laugh because a lot of what I hear from other females is that they think I'm too flirtatious. (Anyone who knows me knows the truth.) His point reminded me of something that one of my male associates has told me, which is that I come off as "taken". I honestly could not tell you if it is anything that I do or say that would give off that impression especially since I am not in a committed relationship. It's actually quite scary because if guys can notice that than it means that I am much more transparent than I realized; it means they can sense regardless of my relationship status that I am still very much in love with him. If that is indeed the case than how am I ever going to move on if moving on is what I am supposed to do. I have tried pretty much anything I can think of to shake this love thing and it doesn't go anywhere. I do admit that as of lately I don't want to shake it...I actually revel it. Of course, that is after many, many failed attempts to ignore it, replace it, pray it away, etc.
I shared with him an update on my current "situation" and how things have been and basically my thoughts on dating since a few of my female friends have been trying to encourage me to go out more and put myself out there more in order to date. They insist that the only way for me to get over him is to date and stuff, which I have tried in short spurts before. Honestly, I'm not thrilled about the the general concept of dating. I never have been. I enjoy meeting and getting to know new people, but for me dating breeds a conotation of selling oneself, which I am not to keen on. If someone finds me attractive just by being me and I find them attractive then great. If out of that attraction a friendship or romantic relationship is born even better. If not then cool at least I got a piece of eye candy for the time being. Shoot every one of my most memorable encounters have happened when I wasn't looking for it.
At the end of the day I know that I got to keep trusting God because there is no magic formula to this thing called love and marriage. If there is Lord I'm listening with pen and paper in hand so I can make my millions. :) I believe that marriage is in my future...when and with who is still a mystery to me. Whoever he is whether it's him or not God knows and that is good enough for me. The timing, although sometimes I be like God hurry up (excuse my grammar), is also something I'm leaving up to God cuz I don't want to be caught out of His will making a huge mistake of lifetime proportions.
Single Ladies and gents, how do you handle the pressure from friends and or family to date or to hurry up and settle down?
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